"White Power!!" (c) Clayton Bigsby

So I'm at my in-laws pad for Thanksgiving this week, and I had the most amazing revelation of my life. I'm white!!!! (or at least half white)

I am almost 30 years old and nobody ever told me this. My mom never mentioned it, my friends never mentioned it, my teachers never mentioned it. NOT ONE!!!! I feel like Clayton Bigsby.

Sammy had to go and shatter my whole self image by telling me that the Spaniards are European and considered white. But they speak Spanish?? Doesn't that count for something? Now I am trying to regain a latin majority for my child somehow. Sonia is half white too, so that makes my kid half white. I wont be able to get any financial aid for the kid...I'll need to kick him/her out at 18...I'll have to start buying hawaiian shirts again...I don't drink tea...what's a crumpet? I don't know anything about being white!

On the flip side, maybe I can get out of a few more tickets. Hmm, the possibilities.

I should have known though. All the signs are there:

1. I drive a Chevy
2. I can't dance
3. Went to USC
4. I listened to ska music and dressed like a rude boy for most of high school
5. Married a white girl

Maybe I should call USC and let them know. Nah, they'd make me pay back all the money they gave me. :)

Have a charming day. **sniff sniff**

--Paul