tech dad

so here I am, thinking about the things that I should be thinking about. I'm having a kid after all. I need the right gear to handle this right? Let's see...

• Digital Video Camera - for all the "firsts"...and all the stuff that will make me 10K on America's Funniest Home Videos. I have to pay for college somehow. What better way than embarassing them on national television?

• CD Player for the Crib - nothing says "night-night" like a little Bob Marley in the crib.
  
  
• I googled "chastity belt" just for fun...that was a mistake. please don't attempt...trust me...trust me.

• GPS - I might hold out for the permanent implant chip though. that way they won't know. :) I can just see it now...

** showing up at the party they said they weren't going to **
KID: "Dad, what are you doing here?"
ME: "Get in the car before I (censored)"
KID: "How did you know I was here."
ME: "God told me. He says you are a sinner." ** cue thunder **
KID: ** sobbing **
ME: ** putting foot in child's behind **

death to freedom!!! i'm a dad now!!!