i'm back baby

i took 2 weeks off to be with my new family, and didn't do a whole lot other than that. but now i am alive and well, feeling good, and ready to get back to life and other responsibilities...like blogging. :)

anyways, i thought i'd share another thought from deep within today. i believe that i finally understand why women would have postpartum depression.

i think that there is a myth floating around there that one will have a "love at first sight" experience with a new baby. honestly, sonia and i did not have that experience. maybe it was due to lack of sleep, maybe it was the trauma of the event. whatever it was, that wasn't our experience.

for a person that is convinced that this is the way it's supposed to be, i can see that person becoming depressed. luckily for us, we did okay. we made it through and allowed nature to take its course.

on saturday night, i was up with gabriel in the middle of the night. he decided to be awake at stinking 4 in the morning, so that means so was i. i was singing him beatles songs (he likes the beatles for some reason, especially blackbird and something) and talking to him. i realized, as he was looking into my eyes, that i love him. maybe i always did, maybe it just came upon me. either way, i felt it and it was real to me at that moment. he's my son, and i hold a special place in my heart for him.

the protector in me came out immediately though. from go, the father in me sprung out. diapers were no thing. getting up was no thing. making sure bob didn't sleep on his face or hump him was no thing. it's just that measley love thing.

hopefully you don't see us as unemotional people. anyone that knows me and has seen me cry at the drop of a dime knows that's not the case. but sometimes, you just have to let things happen the way they are going to happen.

so brooke shields, i feel you...