things they should have elaborated on - part 1

this will be the first installment of "things that they should have elaborated on" regarding having a child. i discovered a very significant thing last night that should have been made clear to me by someone who has been through this BEFORE i had my son:

unclear statement: there will be many sleepless nights when you have a new baby

possible interpretation: the baby will wake up every 2-3 hours crying because he needs to eat. you'll need to change his diaper and put him back to bed after that.

what they should have said: the baby will wake up every 2-3 hours from the 3 minute nap he took from the last time he woke up crying like a banshee because he needs to eat. you'll need to change his diaper, which is full of this really horrible black molasses looking turd, and put him back to bed (read: your arm as you walk around the room begging for death - see banshee comment) after that. thank the lord for your 3 minutes off...then repeat.

newborns are a rude awakening man...literally AND figuratively.