proof that I love my wife

one of sonia's nurses told her that yoga would be a good idea for her, and that it would possible make the birthing process easier. la fitness, where we "go", has yoga classes a few days a week so she wanted to go. being the nice guy that I am, i wanted to encourage her so i decided to go with her...ONCE.

let me start off by saying that yoga and fat people do not mix. that's evident immediately when they ask you to bend over and touch your toes. puh-lease! i was the fattest person and tallest person in there. it was basically a bunch of small asian women...and that "interesting" looking dude in the back...and us.

i walk in and they have this real nice soothing music and everyone is sitting on a mat doing their best to pretend that they are yoga masters. they are sitting cross legged and meditating or something. probably thinking about their shopping lists if you ask me. don't front...

so i get out my mat and sit down right? this lady with WILD hair comes out talking like we are a second grade special ed class...r-e-a-l s-l-o-w a-n-d s-o-f-t....feel the earth...energy this and that...something about a down dog?...dude, I was barely breathing trying to suspend my 215lbs up in the air on one arm!!! my whole body is vibrating and i can feel the sweat trickling down my nose. i was trying to relax the whole time because isn't yoga supposed to be relaxing?? NO SIR. eventually, the lady with the crazy hair and special ed voice gets us into a stretching position that I can actually do well because i do it for my back regularly, so i'm feeling good. i can relax my body, take a few breaths, look at the clock to see how much more of this i have to endure...

then it happens...it's real quiet cuz we are all concentrating and trying not to fall over...someone on the other side of the room rips one! LOUD. it took everything i had not to fall over laughing. it was awesome.

i almost let one loose once or twice myself, but i used my yoga master techniques to put my outgoing chute on lockdown and save poor sonia the embarassment (you know i wouldn't have been embarassed).

so next time you guys/girls go to yoga class, skip the last helping of cabbage for lunch okay?